Wednesday 17 April 2024

This is a straight down the line, no messing, stone cold love song (AKA: we fuck with pain)






This is....
A straight down the line, no messing, stone cold love song (AKA: we fuck with pain)

You wanted something faster.
I wanted something flashier.
But I don't crash with you.
And you could never stand second hand looks.
We've both known trauma.
We both know to be gentle with another.
We talk about starting up a funeral parlour.
I say we should call it the House of Eternal Rest.
You say it's better to name it House of the Dead.
We agree how we would decorate; 
In keeping with a deadwood town in the Midwest.
And we laugh about hiring a taxidermist.
It's a deflection; neither wants to die first.




Tuesday 16 April 2024

I'm not throwing up because of my addiction, I'm throwing up because of what I'm addicted to

 


This is....

I'm not throwing up because of my addiction, I'm throwing up because of what I'm addicted to

Fear don't fail me now.
Fear be a tortured preacher.
Civility be a skeletal creature.
And I will die of complications.

Blind luck or dumb misfortune got me here.
Hanging like cat's cradle on hot tin roof.
Where I pretend like I'm not a product
of necessitations.
And I will die of complications.
 
Barely holding to the filthy midnight
sickly moonlight cobweb sail.
It just won't catch the wind on these oceans.
And I will die of complications.

Because life is about taking positions.
Putting bodies where they need to be.
The symptom not disease
Will cause me
To die of complications.
 
For someone what was will always be.
For someone what is will never be.
It's happening perfectly.
We absorb and spill out transcendence.
We caught each other's eye.
The ground beneath did not split apart,
to my surprise, I'm surprised.
I've been circling you circling myself
Bringing hindsight to a Prior Fight.
Duelling pistols drawn to our backs.
Reincarnation is something I can do without.
I study, appalled, at what once was there,
disgusted at what I now present.
I voice: "What's dead is dead, for all I care!"
But I don't really believe in it,
Nor in astrological confessions.
The stars align:
I will die of complications.
 
Sunlight shines through a petal.
The moonlight chills the bud.
Foxes aren't nocturnal
Instinctively they know the safest light to hunt.
And what is consciousness
If not a signal received from the mothership?
"So, let's get down to business
While we still can raise ourselves to the cause"
But I can't understand their insinuations
The winner doesn't change
Between philosophy and human remains
My death by complications
And what of apparitions
If not broadcasts intercepted from outer space?
Because the best of us are detuned actualisations
Never in quite the right time or place.
Just by being we distort the natural law
Resisting the inevitable,
the human conditions, the societal manipulations
Causing us to die of complications.






Tuesday 10 October 2023

Shapeshifter

 




A crow lay one day quite dead. The late afternoon clinging to it.
Its imprint on the window pane, shocked into being.

The stars above me are screwed up scraps of paper.
I threw them way up there.
On them, written previous indiscretions.
I glued them so they stick in the air.
At night I look up and stare at all the constellations.
Here on the earth of my limitations.

I once crushed a lady bird.
I once told someone I had no choice.

Taking my comfort the dead can't be disappointed.
Passive aggressive Ouija.
Granny always proud but concerned about money.
I don't think my ideology is healthy.
I need belief in me the dead can't be disappointed.
One day I can't be disappointed in me.

I once buried my bodies in you.
I once stood soaked through to the sin.

 Crossroads on the highway say "your place or mine?"
Chewed honeysuckle and geranium.
Fish feel free to swim but they're still in an aquarium.
Sometimes divinity doesn't seem so divine.
Sometimes humanity shows itself as being human.
Every climax casts out a confession.

I once thought fire was sped up time.
I once wanted to burn the history, all my failings.

Pureed into test tubes for unusual experimentation.
Don't think it always was this way.
Concrete alien crafts with square tiles for carpets.
Probed by grey suits beside photocopiers with tablets.
Morning abduction meetings require Geiger readings.
Absurd language lacking meaning.

I once didn't give something I should have given.
I once read a science fiction story from nineteen thirty seven.

A time traveler pinioned a prehistoric bug specimen.
When he returned to his own denizen:
 Fascist pessimism was the political scene.
People added jam after their cream.
A rain of heavy night swept the land of the King and Queen.
No one much cared how this came to be called living.

I once shocked an unhappy memory into being.
I once wondered if disappointments cling to the dead.




Friday 3 March 2023

Swan Vesta





This is... Swan Vesta

Lying between your legs.
Head on your hip while you read Brecht.
Doing anything else would be a waste of time.
This inclement June.
I nuzzle into your cotton.
My rib-cage slips under my skin from my breath.
My fingers sliding underneath the elasticated band
Of your ankle sock.
I might as well try to stop the birds in the trees
From singing as here and now stopping wanting you
"The curse of reincarnation
Is growing pains"
No more than a growl.
You say:
"Your monsters are like
 all you have read are medieval texts.
Flowers grow crooked in angled sunsets"
I say: "Leave me to preying wolves"
You say: "Even when your empty skull is found,
I'll put my middle finger into your eye-socket and
 I'll know you again."
"Writing is eroticism."
"Intimacy of writing in the ink I gave you"
I say: "I run a finger to a smear of wet ink
letters across the paper so I might place each 
word on my tongue."
Your reclining whisper:
"It's like an indie girl taught you how to kiss"
Quote "One's freedom fighter, is another's terrorist"
I spat a lot of blood out
in the bathroom sink.
You say:
"When time turns flesh,
You can twist a knife in, really mean it,
And twine ourselves between its naked warmth"
I feel every moment
When you enter my head.
I say:
"Spending time with you is a fetish you sell.
Quote "What isn't Heaven is Hell, can't you tell?"
Our rib-cages slip under blood and flesh
When we breathe.





Friday 15 July 2022

They're coming to get you, Barbara

I don't rightly know when, but I've found myself fascinated by the very personal micro-history one creates.




This is... They're coming to get you, Barbara


Those wild floral hours.
That morning complexion of a first kiss.
Bird song, tart as berries.
Now the late bloom buds never were as red.
They're coming to get you, Barbara.
Pressed meadow flowers laid along slender forearms
and dirty upturned palms.

As the sun loves the shine.
Sweat clings to this scent like a dress.
Smudged mascara, smoked breath.
How many nights has it wore on until dawn?
They're coming to get you, Barbara.
Clawing out. Ancient. Ruin. Fossil. Contorting, sleekit.
Midwinter creepit.

They are always coming to get you, Barbara.
And they're growing in number.
Trying to consume you with their crimes.
The lives you led trying to wipe out.

You've wondered lately.
How easy it can be to fall off the horizon.
How a round world has straight edges.
Are they gaining now, is the trail ahead ledges?
They're coming to get you, Barbara.
With wet church glass eyes blinking at you existing
Don't look behind, keep running.
They are always coming to get you, Barbara.
And they're growing in number.
Rising from earth of your half remembered form.
They are the harvest and the swarm.
They are always coming to get you, Barbara.
And they're growing in number.
You can't replant a tree as a seed, only chop them down.
The woodland  you're in is your own.
William Blake, Jimi Hendrix, Marilyn Munroe.
Vonnegut, Brecht, Kafka, Edgar Allan Poe.
Sharon Tate, Bach, Plath, Johann Wolfgang von Goethe.







Friday 3 December 2021

It's the weather for it

 


This is... It's the weather for it.


It feels like I could successfully contact the dead.
It's the end of November and fallen leaves on the ground
are easily read.

Winter season brings a haunting to resilience. Or resilience to a haunting.

I'm not meaning through a performative medium.
Guests unconvinced by a knock, cloth or breath on neck.
I've got laudanum.

The house has sharp, cold, air in it. My father died in this room.

It feels like I could successfully contact the dead.
By myself, I don't intend to converse because it's memories
 I've come to resurrect.



 


Acid rain





This feels very much like a B-side. Not actually saying anything in particular.
This is... Acid rain


I don't want to go out in this change of weather.
I'm not having any fun in it no more.
Watching you become acid rain.
Don't want to walk under it.
Step to not slip on its shadow,
spilled thickly on the ground.
I don't want to get soaked through.
Laid there.
Cutting sheets off from my body.
In a shower of wire barbs.

Things grow on us.
Rushes.
Thorns.
Trailing vines.
Day's eyes.
They weave and they push apart.
They save and they hurt the heart.

It's a shame how it went down.
I tired of whistling for it.
Out twisted lips, always sucked instead of blew.
When I came to see, the light was blue.
When I came to talk, the temperature was blue.
When I came to touch, the hand was blue

We don't talk about the cold weather no more.





Friday 22 October 2021

Hourglass figures



 This is... Hourglass figures

We have always lived in a sandcastle.
You and your past self would not be friends.
We drift out to one another's obscurity.
We have hourglass figures.
At the end of the World.
There will be calm to count.
 Individual collateral accumulation.
Blue teddy bear, dog toy, fast food wrapper.
Foxes' hidden treasures in suburbia glade.
We have hourglass figures.
Finding faith in séance.
Playback birds from yesterday.
Sing us something we know in tremolo.
What had no weight is too heavy to lift today.
A river is only water in cupped hands.
We have hourglass figures.
Sedimented allegory.
Chroniclers are unreliable narrators.
Cassandra knew she'd be unfairly written down.
Cleopatra was shaped of the right stuff.
We have hourglass figures.





Friday 17 September 2021

Sleazier than a misused religious metaphor



I've tried to write something hot. I'm not sure a graveyard poet with an imaginary gothic band can "do" hot. But here's my go.

This is...
Sleazier than a misused religious metaphor



Across the sticky floor, stepping out a Fujifilm
"Give me a Quick Fuck"
Teasing the F out of a lower lip bite.
Bartender pours a shot of something like
Green cough syrup.
Neck exposed in the swallow.
Maneki-neko 
 Clinging to a white-T
Under, cartoon words:
"I purr if you stroke me"
Shoes that never take themselves off.
Desirous fingers always to unclasp the buckles.
Unthread the straps.
Bare footed walk into the last call black cab.

Across sticky lips, over Jesus and Mary Chain tape:
"Give me little deaths"
Smoke mixed with your breath blows
slow into my mouth on the beat of the vowels.
Try to look like I don't care for it.
Nylon to cotton.
Merlin to Morgan le Fay.
"My tongue will weave you to incantation as it takes little lives away"
Nothing more religious
Than truth telling when we consecrate the grave.
Flesh to flesh.

Across your body wearing Chanel number six. 
"Unclip me from my crucifix"
Sleazier than a misused religious metaphor.
Slithering down and round and lower.
Untied snake gold chains slip loose ends.
Let's dig our bones
Up from the soil of Eden
Let's smear each others' make-up and get to it.
In the greased embrace
Arches and eyerolls collide into energy lit
as anti-matter.
Because nothing matters.

Across a night clutching you tighter than shrink-wrap
"I love fucking darkness"
I imagine the words dripping off your shoulder.
In air thicker than smouldering fume diesel, hair touches
Sweat of the night
Glistening in the ambient light.
We can see the shapes of you and me through the nebula
As it settles on spent things.
And discarded clothing.
Like a polished adder stone
Falling through a hole in a pocket
Into a black stream.
 





Tuesday 24 August 2021

A get up time story

 



This is a little dreamy fairy story. Like a bedtime story, but for waking up.
This is... A get up time story

There once was a cabinet of childhood curiosity.
It sat where it was:
Silently, by itself, on wooden floorboards in a room.
A room ordinarily far too large for just a cabinet.
All the dust that there was ever in that room had fallen onto it.

The Wunderkammer was taller and heavier than most children.
Fragile, handmade glass let small children see what was inside:
Shape worn cloth
Shoe-dolls
Peg people
Dog-eared books
Tin-wheeled cars
Porcelain instruments
Bone houses
Half-perished mythical figurines
Well played game pieces
A taxidermy songbird with a key in its back
All warped by the uneven pond-like green glass.

A girl was overcome with curiosity at the sight of the songbird.
Carefully, she cracked a creaking cabinet door open.
She let the weight of her hand press into the feathers.
The bird was not in good condition.
Mottled, brittle feathers poked at odd angles and she could feel bones,
or perhaps brutal edged metal skeleton of an automaton.
It's eyes were black as onyx chained round a lady's clavicle
Mouldering beak yet remained as keen as a soldier's blade.
It's feet were still as steady as a church tower.

Now cradling this strange bird round it's weak wings, 
she gently began to wind the iron key in it's back.
With each stiff crank
She felt a single heartbeat reply in her palm.
"be-doom"
After 13 turns of the key, the key would turn no more times.
Running to a window of the room (which now seemed even larger)
the girl slid the sash and case window wide and released this
clockwork healed wonder into the outside.

Shaking off its mange.
Shaking off the dullness that had afflicted it for so long.
Shaking off the stagnation of a weary past
It blustered out into the vastness.

As it flew shedding its tattered mousswab shroud, she watched it, 
her arm held above her, her hand in a frozen reach of worship.

And as it flapped its wings
The bird's feathers took on new colours.
Orange of amber ingots, unique, each one
Richness of a cedar warmed in a new sun.
Russet of wise oak kings.
Crimson of a raging night fire in ancient Crete.
Shades of the charred left by defeat.

The songbird flew through a forest,
shedding it's beautiful plumage as it flew from one branch to another.
The trees fell in love with the songbird.
But songbirds do not stay.
After a moment, it flew away.
The trees, were sad, but grateful for having felt this way.
They changed the colour of their emerald leaves
to match the bird's feathers left behind
to remind themselves of a love once had of another kind.

This is why leaves change colour in autumn.

With no more feathers, the songbird could no more fly than if it were a stone.
So it fell into a field and transformed into a fire wolf.
It stretched its lithe spine.
It stretched its long, slender limbs.
It stretched it's mouth open and touched its killer teeth with a soft tongue.
Sleek and sly and nimble,
So agile it could balance on a maid's thimble.
Fur the colour of the moon above and those below who think themselves
a symbol.

The fire wolf ran through a field of grass towards a graveyard.
It swished it's brush tail between the stems as it weaved
like an assassin through a crowd of innocents.
The grass of the field fell in love with the sensation of its tail.
But fire wolves don't stand still.
In the moment when it senses its in for a kill.
The grass was sad but understood that is the wolfs' will.
They swayed at the memory of the wolf's grey hair
Like ballerinas in a trance of a love of such deep care.

This is why grass moves in pulsed waves.

The fire wolf, in all it's grandeur walked through the graveyard
The kill still on its warm breath.
The graves fell in love with this mistress of death.
This big, bad, omen, they could not resist.
But after death, life moves on.
Pleasure is never without a grief fully gone.
The graveyard was sad but knew one day the wolf would return.
The gravestones bowed and curtsied in respect
Of a love they could not always come to except.

This is why gravestones look bent over and askew in old cemeteries.

The fire wolf needed to clean itself of sin
So it ran to the sea and dived right in.
The nocturnal fur washed away and it transformed into a fish.
The most exotic fish the sea ever saw.
The exotic fish flashed its treasure jewel scales.
It flashed its sunken boat sail tail.
It flashed its backbone coral spikes.

The exotic fish swam the seven seas, churning up the waters.
The seas all agreed this fish should be kept and loved.
But exotic fish aren't meant to be caught
It swims because freedom is hard fought.
The seas were sad but they knew they could not.
So they followed as far each of them could travel
For a love so exotic they could only marvel.

This is why the seas move in tides.

The fish loved the sky and remembered when it could fly.
It was sad but this was a love it could not deny.
It changed it's shimmering fins as into sparkling wings,
and leapt out the sea, and its scales left its body
And its skeleton left its body
And its body left its essence.
And it transformed into atomic droplets.

The atomic droplets skipped on clouds like skimming stones
The clouds fell in love with this neon dance.
Clouds and droplets from water are a perfect match.
But droplets do not last.
They shine, fall and disappear so fast.
The clouds were sad they would never feel love the same
The pain made the clouds tear into punishing rain.
They beg the sun to remind them of it again.

This is why there are rainbows.

The girl looks out the window of the empty room,
(which now seemed very small)
aside from the Cabinet.
The sky is near cave blue.
Hears a far off "be-doom"
This is why rain follows thunder so soon.
She knows there is a heart beating for me and you.